This means war...

This week has been an emotional one. On Monday I went to the doctors after being three weeks late. The only up side of my doctor's visit was when I got weighed. Confirmed that I've lost 16lbs even on the doctors scale. Why is it that home scales are usually so far off? Anyway, when I got there, they did a urine test to check for pregnancy. Negative. I talked with my doctor (who I love) and she said that she wanted to do a blood test to confirm that I wasn't pregnant. Then came the bad news... She said (in not so many words) that if I wasn't pregnant that it may be I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Something told my gut that I wasn't pregnant and this is what I was going to be faced with.

A little history: Two years ago I ended up in the emergency room at 5:30 in the morning because I woke up with a searing pain through my abdomen. Justin called his insurance company's nurse hotline and they told us we needed to go to the emergency room, especially because the pain was on my right side (hinting at appendix). Long story short, after two catscans and thousands of dollars they figured out that I had an ovarian cyst rupture and that the pain came from the fluid spreading into my abdomen. At the time, the doctors told us that most women get cysts monthly when they're getting ready to release an egg and that it was nothing to get worried about. He said that it should not effect our chances at having children, either.

Here I am, now, two years later being faced with the worst case scenario. My blood pregnancy test came back negative, which implies that I have PCOS (I still have to follow up with my doc). I was devastated on Monday when she mentioned it, and broke down again on Wednesday when the test results came back. Basically, because of too many cysts, my body has stopped being quite so sensitive to my insulin levels which triggers the hormone that matures my eggs. In other words no egg = no pregnancy.

Luckily the outlook is fairly positive (at least I'm trying to be positive). I have to lose some weight (big surprise), and then I might be put on a medication to make my body more sensitive to my insulin levels to help me ovulate. I will find out more next week when I go back to the doc. So, for now, I've kicked up my exercise schedule from 2-3 days a week to at least 5 and I'm being more careful of my eating habits.

One thing I have to say: I have an amazing husband. He has been so supportive and positive and is ensuring that his cooking is healthy and loaded with veggies. He's encouraging me to work out (and doing so himself) and continues to reassure me that things will be okay. If anything this has forced me to focus on my own health in order to create new. I've waged war on my own body, and I'm bound and determined to win this one!

Beyond frustration

I'm now over three weeks late and am continuing to have negative pregnancy tests. On Friday morning we took one and thought that there was a faint line. We weren't sure if we were seeing it because it was there, or because we wanted it to be there. I went ahead and made an appointment to see my doctor on Monday just in case. We then took another test this morning which was most definitely negative.

At this point, I'm beyond frustrated. My body is obviously not doing what it should be. I'm really late, supposedly not pregnant, and don't know where to go from here. At this point, I'm so late that I've completely missed what should have been the next cycle and chance for us to get pregnant. So, if I'm really not pregnant, we're looking at January at the earliest to become parents.

I'm depressed, annoyed and worried. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that there isn't something wrong with me, but at this point I have this sinking feeling that it might be the case. I'm going to the doc tomorrow morning so we'll see...

Whoops there goes another rubber tree...

Another negative pregnancy test this morning. Not sure what's going on. Today I am officially two weeks late. I'm headed to the doctor on Monday because now I'm getting worried that there's something wrong.

Duuuh nuh nuh nuh, Duuuh nuh nuh...

For those of you that are unaware, that was the beginning of the Jeopardy theme song. Duh. The song that anyone will sing to you (including a group of 8 year olds, if they have the chance) when you are taking too damned long. Mainly this happens when someone else is tired of waiting for you. All this to say, I'm tired of waiting.

Today is day 43 of my cycle. For those of you just catching up, my cycle is typically 30 days. Last month we went with 38. So far this month...you guessed it! 43. I'm sure you're probably thinking, "Well...did you take a pregnancy test?!" The answer is yes. Two. Both negative. I have to say after the first one, I was still hopeful. After the second one, I gave up on it (which is what happened last month, and I started my period the next day). Now, I'm just annoyed...and getting hopeful again. We're going to take another test on Monday if I still haven't gotten it. This will be day 46. Tomorrow I am officially 2 weeks late from my "normal cycle". I'm beginning to think this doesn't apply anymore, though. Duh! Nuh nuh nuh nuh...nuh...nuh. DUM DUM!

One day to go.

Justin and I decided it would be best to wait a full 8 days (since that was how late I was last time) to test so that we were a bit easier on our pocketbook this time around. I'm getting excited! It's Friday night, so I have only one more day to wait. I'm impatient! I wanted to do it when Justin got home on Wednesday afternoon. This is requiring a LOT of discipline on my part!

Keep praying!

Hopeful

This will be short.

Due Saturday. It is now Monday night. Nothing yet...eeeeek! :) Fingers crossed, prayers, juju or whatever you do, please!